Lovesheartisdeath'sheartisdead........I hate you.........

killyounowORkillyou________now

Hey fellas.........

Alright, I went and made myself a brand new Xanga.  It's kind of neat, but you know.  I still really like this one.  actually i don't, but seeing as to the fact that I just made a new layout for this one (which I like a lot), I'm not going to abort this Xanga yet.  The link for the new one is www.xanga.com/killyounowORkillyou________now

That's all i wanted to say.  I'll be going now.  I'm kind of bored, and I'm downloading all kinds of Snoopy D-O-double Gizzle.

I must go, I'm getting sick of looking at this big white window.  Ugh......... lol

Anyways, have fun, everyone.  In the words of a Miss Megan R. Pray, "Smile!"

-Matthew Edward.

I've been thinking, and I think I want to change my hairstyle.  And if I do decide not to change my hairstyle, I want to change my hair color.  I want to dye it black, but I don't know.  I don't want to just do what Jeff and Alex did.  I don't know, I don't want it to look like our band has a uniform.  That'd be dumb.  But I was also thinking that I could do it black, but have something also done to it to make it like a thousand times cooler than it would be just blac on me.  Maybe I could dye all my hair black except for a small lock of bright neon green hair right in the front.  I think that'd be really neat.  I want to be creative.  God, I wish other people weren't creative.  No, I wish that I was the only creative one ever.  Then I could do whatever I wanted, and no one would have done it before. 

Anyways, I've already registered a new Xanga.  I just need to pimp it out with a nice little layout, and tape it up with HTML and then it'll be good to go.  I love all of you!!!!!!

.........but mostly Megan. She's my best friend.........

-Matthew Edward Weinhoffer.

PS - I thought that I could change you.  But you changed me.  It doesn't feel right holding someone else's hand.  Together on phone lines, but living two opposite lives.  it scares me to think that you could find takers other than me.  And better than me.  But your head is elsewhere.  And I'm talking enough for both of us.  When will you see it's not so easy for me.  Your eyes, I trusted.  Your eyes, you said, "Forever......................"  I never thought that you could say these words.  is this really happeneing?  Don't say that we can't still be friends..... Erase my name.

So first day back at school............it makes me very very sad.  I liked being home and sleeping a lot.  I want to get rid of these freakin' bags under my eyes.  Megan pointed out today that the area under my eyes is actually turning green.  They're like big dumb bruises.  I don't like them.  I want them gone.  Anyways, I'm not going to continue my Catholicism vs. Christianity ranting, only because you guys obviously get the idea that I'm trying to convey.  Anyways, so today, I got probably the strangest compliment I've ever received.  I was talking to Janelle today during math, and she says, "Matt, I want to take you shopping with me.  I bet that'd be really fun, you know?  I bet you'd just be really fun because you know llike what styles are cool and everything.  You're almost like a girl. 

.....you're like a gay guy, only you're not gay, you know?  It's like you're as cool as a gay guy, but not gay.........."

So then after an excrutiatingly awkward pause, we talked about gay guys for like 20 minutes.  We agreed that most gay guys could have like any girl that they wanted if they weren't gay, just because they're so freakin' hot.  That's what I hate.  Anyways, it made me really happy to know that I'm as cool as a gay guy. lol, I thought it was really funny.  I will wait for you forever, if you would just ask me.  Anyways, I dind't expect for this to be a long post, but I just wanted to post again, because I also wanted to thank everyone for the comments on the last post.  That was so freakin' cool.  26 eProps is the most I've ever received.  I love all of you.  Give me more on this one, too.  Haha.  No, I just think comments and eProps are the coolest inventions ever.  See you all soon.  If not soon, then at least at the Black Rose's next show:  December 10th at Morningstar Fellowship.  Be there or be dumb.  I love you, Megan.  Very very much.  You're mom called my house looking for you....

-Matthew.

Alright, I've found one more song that can make me cry instantaneously. 

Emery - The Ponytail Parades (acoustic)

This song is freakin' amazing, and I don't know what it is, but something about the guitarist and the way he sings just makes me want to curl up into a little ball and die.  Not in a bad way, either.  It just sounds so amazing.  I guess it's just one of those songs where the artist portays a certain emotion in a way that's all too perfect.  I want to make music like that.  It's just incredible.  Oh my god.....   Anyways, I haven't got much to say tonight.  Spent the week hanging out a whole lot.  I felt very social.  I felt like I actually belonged in a certain group of people.  I hadn't realized it up till now, but maybe some of you have (or at least maybe one of you has), but I've been really happy for a really long time.  I don't know, it's just something that if you had told me about a year ago that soon I'd be this happy consistently, I don't think I'd have believed it.  It feels good.  I enjoy being genuinely happy.  I've felt like I'm growing up, kind of.  I don't know, I guess I'm realizing more and more that it's really time to get down to business and figure out what I'm going to do with my life.  I've been thinking about that a lot.  I want a carreer in music.  I want to do something that has to do with music.  I know I'm not talented in playing, but I want to work with people who are.  Another thing I've been slowly coming across is the fact that I'm inadvertantly easing myself into Christianity.  I don't even know when this started, but I think it was around the time when Eric started sleeping at my house every weekend.  He and my brother would both go to church every Sunday, and I thought that was really cool.  I hadn't gone to church and stayed awake through the whole thing in about seven years.  Not because I was a lazy or uninterested or stupid or even an impatient person (in these terms at least.....).  I just never could get int the robotic, ridiculous ways of Catholicism.  Or Saint Isidore's Catholic School, at least.  I think that started me off on the wrong foot with religions.  I found (find) the religion that Saint Isidore presented to me to be absolutely terrible.  It probably didn't help that I thought my parents were sending me to a horrible school that only cared about money.  And I mean, that's almost true, since that's the reason why private schools are made.  Public schools don't make money.  They're funded by the government.  Private schools on the other hand are made for money.  In first grade, we started off religion classes.  See, we never had religion classes in kindergarten or pre-school.  First grade was spent learning the order of the mass.  I don't know how strange that is, because I'm sure you guys just learned it from going to church, if you do go to church, but we had to learn about it in class.  We were baptized into this religion before we even had an opinion.  Then in like second grade, we received our first Holy communion.  That's the first time we ever received the bread of Christ.  Then in sixth grade, we were confirmed.  It was confirmed that we wanted to be a Roman Catholic.  In sixth grade, we were supposed to decide how we wanted to worship God, where we would worship Him, and a number of other things.  In sixth grade, we were supposed to be mature enough to decide that.  Our parents of course were going to say "Yeah, get freakin' confirmed," because they sent us to that school in the first place.  So we were screwed from the beginning.  Alright, so that takes care of that, I'm a Catholic.  I want to get an anullment (sp) with Catholicism.  I never want to even remember that I went to Saint Isidore's.  I have to go to bed right now, but I've got lots more to say about this, and so I'll post it all tomorrow.  I love all of you, and I guess what I'm getting at here is that I'm planning on going to church every Sunday from now on...........you can figure out the rest from that.

I love you, Megan.  You're my best friend.    And you're cute, too.

-Matthew the wannabe.......

PS - "It's always good to believe in something.........."  Well, I'm finding something.  Slowly, but surely.   I'm finding something............